finally, the holiday season has finished. probably it's because i live by myself, i don't really enjoy the holiday season. yes, it is supposed to be happy, to be with your family, or people who you want to be with. however, i have nobody to celebrate this moment with me. i always worry about what i am going to do in this holiday, always try to find something to do, like go to party, crazy dancing all night long, or go to bar have some drinks until i am drunk, or hang out with some so called "good friends" do something stupid.. after all of these, what i really have? am i happy? is this really a holiday for me? even, i have done all of these, all i can feel is emptiness, i feel nothing. i feel extremely lonely, even with my girl friend. when i go back home from some parties, or dinners, or movies.. i suddenly realize that i just live by myself, nobody share this empty space with me. i am always envy that people go out as a whole family during holiday. i look at them, looking at their happy faces, listening to pleased laughing, feeling the cozy family atmosphere. i am so touched. i can't help having my tears dropping. how happy they are.
however, sometimes i think i enjoy the loneliness feeling, i think i probably got used to it. i do think if you are used to be lonely you'll have a lot of things done, which you can't finish when you are not alone. and, you'll have a lot of thought of your own life, you'll be more clear direction about where you are going to in the future. i think most of the succesful people are lonely, at least i know chales dickenson was. he had really bad relationship with other people, however, he left us some unforgetable work, which is enough for us, even our younger generation to enjoy, to taste, to experience. probably, lonely people have their special ways to express themself. i still remember my old man used to tell me if a person who can bear loneliness he can face any problems he had no matter how hard they were. i believe in what he told me. thank you dad. i'll miss you, and happy new year.

son